Tongue firmly planted in cheek

Maybe I need two mugs shots for my column -- the normal ugly one, and one with my tongue pushing out my cheek. When those occasions call for it, then we could run the second mug shot. Like for today.

When I suggested somewhat flippantly that we needed a new national anthem, I knew a few would take it word-for-word seriously. I didn't know virtually all would, at least judging by the online comments:

"I didn't know you and Francis were on a nickname basis. I say you listen to your precious Canada's anthem over and over again and then take yourself north so you can forget about all the inconveniences and annoyances you have to deal with here."

"Beliue (sic) if you are so against our nation anthem, go move to Canada. Maybe you can find a job writing slow witted crap up there. I know many children that could write more interesting and thought provoking articles than your junk! God Bless America and our national anthem!!"

"This is the most idiotic thing i have ever read, sorry I took the time to do so. Canada welcomes morons like you with open arms."

And those are just comments are from immediate family members. Imagine what others were saying. In fact, I didn't know so many of Francis Scott Key's descendents lived in Amarillo. First, I can write much more idiotic things and slow-witted crap than that and have done so many times.

Secondly, I think there are better patriotic songs, like "America the Beautiful" and if I could wave my magic wand and change the national anthem to that song, I would. But I'm not leading a march on Washington or organizing a letter-writing campaign to our congressmen to do so.

"The Star Spangled Banner" is what it is.

I would have hoped by the tone of the column that most would have picked up on that. Maybe not.

As the immortal Sgt. Hulka said in the movie, "Stripes": "Lighten up, Francis."