Friday, May 28, 2010

Caustic Cowell's top slams

Simon Cowell, the signature judge of "American Idol", said farewell to the top-rated show this week. Cowell's schtick was the bad guy, to hurt a few feelings, to be brutally honest, to be the Englishman America loved to hate.

He was good at it too. He could tear apart a poor musical contestant with a look and very few words. Contestants must have been briefed to expect his caustic remarks as part of the gig. Otherwise, some women would have cried and some men would have jumped over the judge's table at him. Or vice versa.

I'm not sure if he was the intentional spiteful judge or the designated bad guy, like in professional wrestling, that added to the ratings and kept things on edge. And with Cowell, they did stay on edge.

Here are some of his top slams:

Is he a spiteful, malicious little man with ludicrously white teeth? Or is he a great wit who saves America’s top-rated show from becoming an all-out love-in?

“You should sue your singing teacher.”

“I presume there was no mirror in your dressing room tonight."

"Did you really believe you could become the American Idol? Well, then, you're deaf."

"You have just invented a new form of torture."

"If you had lived 2,000 years ago and sung like that, I think they would have stoned you."

"You have the personality of a handle.”

"You were having fun. I'm not sure how much fun everyone at home was having."

"You sounded like Cher after she's been to the dentist."

“Can I ask you a question? Do you and your girlfriend sing together at home? Have the police ever called?"

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